"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."
~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Lately, I have been struggling with confidence. Not self confidence, but people's perceptions of my new found strength and confidence. When I was overweight, I lacked confidence in myself. I had a hard time looking people in the face when I spoke to them, always glancing away so I wouldn't have to make eye contact. Now that I look back, I really believed my obesity shielded me from being hurt or wounded by others. The truth is, this was just a fallacy. If I truly felt so protected, why was I so afraid of talking to people and looking them in the face? When the weight began to come off, little did I know that I was shedding my secret coat of protection as well. The more weight I lost the more transparent my life and personality became. A vulnerability came over me that is hard to describe unless you've experienced it. I have always been someone who has cried easily. Sappy movies, homemade cards from my children, a tender kiss from my hubby, anything would trigger my "Niagara Fall" eyes, but now the tears were coming alot easier and often. The whole transformation scared me to death, and yet, I was excited about the direction my life would head. As the months and years have now passed, God has placed me in some very interesting places . . . positions that I couldn't have created on my own AND have forced me to gather up strength from Him as well as within myself. As much as I would have wanted everyone to be supportive of my new found confidence level, Unfortunately, I found that many of the people were not supportive at all, but taken back and intimidated. I think that for years I played a role . . . the mousy, chip on the shoulder sort of lady - never feeling confident enough to step out and try new things. You see, weight loss is NOT just about physical activity or eating the right foods. Sure, these are very important ingredients in the successful recipe of healthy living and weight loss, but often times we forget that are emotions and how we perceive ourselves is just as important. The reality is . . . I didn't know my own strength until I was faced with some dark times. Even now, although I have lost 115 pounds, I am still tested in the area of security and having confidence in myself. There are some situations that come that I believe are meant to break me down, but I'm learning one step at a time to grab a hold of that strength that resides deep inside of me, and be proud and secure of the woman that I have become. I've posted a video of the song "I Didn't Know My Own Strength", by Whitney Houston. This song is definitely a huge encouragement to me, and I hope it encourages you as well.
