I Didn't Know My Own Strength

"People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."

  ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Lately, I have been struggling with confidence. Not self confidence, but people's perceptions of  my new found strength and confidence.  When I was overweight, I lacked confidence in myself.  I had a hard time looking people in the face when I spoke to them, always glancing away so I wouldn't have to make eye contact.  Now that I look back, I really believed my obesity shielded me from being hurt or wounded by others.  The truth is, this was just a fallacy.  If I truly felt so protected, why was I so afraid of talking to people and looking them in the face?  When the weight began to come off, little did I know that I was shedding my secret coat of protection as well. The more weight I lost the more transparent my life and personality became.  A vulnerability came over me that is hard to describe unless you've experienced it.  I have always been someone who has cried easily.  Sappy movies, homemade cards from my children, a tender kiss from my hubby, anything would trigger my "Niagara Fall" eyes, but now the tears were coming alot easier and often.   The whole transformation scared me to death, and yet, I was excited about the direction my life would head.  As the months and years have now passed, God has placed me in some very interesting places . . . positions that I couldn't have created on my own AND have forced me to gather up strength from Him as well as within myself.  As much as I would have wanted everyone to be supportive of my new found confidence level, Unfortunately, I  found that many of the people were not supportive at all, but taken back and intimidated. I think that for years I played a role . . . the mousy, chip on the shoulder sort of lady - never feeling confident enough to step out and try new things.  You see, weight loss is NOT just about physical activity or eating the right foods.  Sure,  these are very important ingredients in the successful recipe of healthy living and weight loss, but often times we forget that are emotions and how we perceive ourselves is just as important.  The reality is . . . I didn't know my own strength until I was faced with some dark times.  Even now, although I have lost 115 pounds, I am still tested in the area of security and having confidence in myself.  There are some situations that come that I believe are meant to break me down, but I'm learning one step at a time to grab a hold of that strength that resides deep inside of me, and be proud and secure of the woman that I have become.  I've posted a video of the song "I Didn't Know My Own Strength", by Whitney Houston.  This song is definitely a huge encouragement to me, and I hope it encourages you as well.

Goals Beyond Losing Weight

Charles C. Noble, the Dean of Hendricks Memorial Chapel at Syracuse University stated the following, "You must have long-range goals to keep you from being frustrated by the short-range failures.”  Interestingly, this quotation was a favorite of President Ronald Reagan's, and I share in its truth as well.  I can't begin to tell you how many people I talk with that fixate on losing weight.  Not to mention their desperate methods of madness to accomplish this.  Let's see, we have the "Caveman Diet", the "Chewing Diet", the "Hallelujah Diet", the "Tapeworm Diet" (Mmmm, that sounds tasty!), the "Cottonball Diet" (definitely high in fiber), and how could I forget the old standbys . . . the "Grapefruit" and "Cabbage Soup" diets!!  My personal favorite is the use of "Diet Sunglasses".  These blue tinted glasses make your food look less appetizing, so therefore you lose weight!  Yeah right!  I don't know about you, but if I am starving to death it won't matter what color the food is!  Well, my goal in writing this blog is not to introduce you to all the idiotic ways people try to lose weight, but to encourage you to look beyond "weight loss" and begin to set some fitness goals for yourself.  "WHAT?" you say . . . "I can hardly walk to the mailbox without getting winded."  I can hear it now, "That's what I hate about all you personal trainers, you think we ALL want to be athletes."  Not true, but let me share something from my own experience that might bring understanding and clarity to my point, AND it might encourage you to set some goals for yourself.

During the years I was overweight, I watched my children and others do things that I wished I could do.  Sure, it's not that I was never able to ride a bike or swim laps in a pool.  I had just allowed myself to become so deconditioned and overweight that it was impossible for me to enjoyably participate in these and other activities. I had no endurance, my body hurt all the time, I was out of breath doing the smallest things, and felt very self-conscious about my appearance.  Even being alone with my husband was hard.  I was embarrassed of how I looked, and making love was physically difficult and only done in the dark.  OK - I see the smirks on some of your faces, but many of you know exactly what I'm talking about! When I finally made the decision to lose weight,  I recognized from the beginning that goal setting was going to have to be my driving force.  Just as the quote above stated . . . sometimes I failed at my short-term goals.  Sometimes those failures were enough to send me to the mental hospital.  Sure, I had lots of success, as I wouldn't be where I am today.  But, after about a year into my weight loss journey, I began to get kind of bored and restless of the whole thing.  I found myself needing to take a personal inventory of my life, my interests, and yes . . . my goals.  Sure, my goal early on was to lose alot of weight and become a healthy person again, but I began to identify that I needed more.  I began to think about what I would do after I had reached my weight loss goal.  I kind of likened it to a couple who has children together.  For those first number of years, the children are their life.  Everything revolves around the children.   But little by little, the children grow up and become more and more independent.  Before long, those children are on their own and then, what about the parents?  Did they develop any dreams, goals, or visions before their children left?  Or, have they been left with nothing to pursue because their children were their whole world?  In many ways, weight loss is no different.  If you're truly serious about losing weight, the process affects your entire world, and rightfully so.  Losing weight, at least true weight loss,  is not temporary, but a total lifestyle change.  In my case, I began to think about the possibility of swimming competitively again.  Honestly, it seemed so far fetched.  Although I had lost some weight, I was still tipping the scale at over 200 lbs!  I began to investigate the idea, and with the help of a few friends, I learned about the US Masters Swimming program and joined.  I immediately became excited and set a goal to return to competitive swimming in a year.  After making the decision to pursue this, I had quite a bit of support that sustained me till my first meet.  But strangely enough, there were a few people who seemed to scoff at my goal - finding it stupid and unattainable.  At first, their attitudes kind of set me back.  One such person was the personal trainer that I was using to lose weight.  When I shared with him my plan to swim competitively again, he asked me, "Why do you have to do that?"  As I said, his response came unexpected.  I sat on the weight bench speechless staring at him, I thought for a moment, and then replied, "It's not that I have to do it, but it's that I CAN do it!"  As the weeks and months passed by, losing weight became more secondary to me and preparing and training for my first meet became the forefront of all my efforts.  I was like the eye of the tiger, focused on the prize. When the day of the Ozark Championship Swim Meet arrived, I was a nervous wreck, but I was excited and pumped.  The goal that I had been training for had finally arrived and I was ready to go.  Not only did I take a year to focus on training for my comeback to competitive swimming, but I continued to drop weight in the process - lots of weight.  Over the coarse of the years, I have continued to set fitness goals for myself.  Running has never been a passion of mine (it still isn't!), but I have trained and entered some running races as well as an indoor triathlon.  Now that I have reached my weight loss goal for the most part, I continue to look for opportunities that will challenge me and spur me on to better health and fitness.  In addition to pursuing my own goals, I encouraged my husband to set some fitness goals for himself.  I'm so proud to say that last September, my husband trained and participated in the MS150 bike ride (that's 150 miles of biking in 2 days people!).  I couldn't have been more proud of his strength and courage.  He set a goal and accomplished it!  Not to embarrass him, but he has never been inspired to be an athlete, but he rose to the occasion and did it!  Always keep in mind that the things that you choose to do or not do, effect others.  I challenge you to set a goal, and see how it infects those around you!  So with that said, my question to you is simple, what are your fitness goals?  Maybe the fitness goal you're thinking of seems totally unobtainable.  Well, my response is GOOD!  If you can already do it, why make it a goal?  Set a goal, get a plan in place, and get busy!  Remember, "For a dream comes with much activity and painful effort."  ~ Ecclesiastes 5:3        

 And personally,  I wouldn't want it any other way!

Satisfied Sweet Tooth

           As I began my weight loss journey, I began to identify my stumbling points in eating.  Besides eating three times the portion size, I LOVE . . . sugar, sugar, and sugar!  Yes, I believe I have an addiction to sweets.  Chips and such are tasty, yep,  but hand me a pint of Haagen Daz Rum Raisin Ice-Cream and my eyes will roll back in my head - yummy!  Anyway, some time back, a friend of mine told me about a product that she found at the grocery store. Who doesn't enjoy a warm, gooey, fudgy brownie?  OK, don't know about you, but I could just eat the whole pan!  She told me about No Pudge fat-free brownies.  These brownies are made with a small container of non-fat yogurt - that's it!  When she first told me about the product, I told her that I didn't have high hopes and that they were probably horrible.  But, she kept challenging me to give them a try.  One day, while shopping at my local grocery store, I happened to see the pink box with a weight conscious pig on the front.  It was priced a bit more than the average brownie mix, but I decided to give it a try. The mix comes in 4 different flavors - original, cappuccino, raspberry, and mint.  I bought the cappuccino flavor along with a 6 ounce container of Yoplait vanilla, non-fat yogurt.  After getting home, I followed the directions for making a whole pan.  The brownie mix was very thick.  I placed them in the oven, and baked.  Key advice . . . DO NOT overcook these.  Actually, they are best if you slightly undercook them.  Basically, set your oven timer for less time than recommended.  After our dinner, I cut them into squares and served them to my family.  I never told them that they were "fat-free" as I knew that this would be a deal killer for them.  Upon the first bite, I experienced that "eyes rolling back" in my head sensation.  Everyone in the family loved them, without exception.  Since the first time I've purchased these, I've tried all but the mint flavor.  I really love the original and cappuccino.  The raspberry flavor was a bit overwhelming for me, but if you are a lover of raspberry, these will make your day!  So, if you are looking for something to bring to Easter dinner, give these brownies and try.  My best advice . . . don't tell anyone they are fat-free.  Just let them think they are eating a great, calorie filled brownie!!  What they don't know won't hurt them!  LOL

My Moment of Truth . . . what is yours?

If you don't learn anything else about me, I'm a hugely passionate person.  I can be a "gray" thinker, but there are a few things that I am pretty "black and white" about.  Making a commitment and sticking to it is one of those black and white issues.  Sure, there are things that can come up that are out of my control, but overall I still believe that "your word is your bond".  Growing up, I remember over hearing my Dad talking to someone, and he told them that they needed to "poop or get off the pot".  As a young girl, I had no idea what he was talking about, but now I understand and firmly agree!  It seems like nowadays, being committed to anything is a rarity.  Why is this?  Well, I found this quote and this is what it says: 

"There's a difference between interest and commitment.  When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit.  When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." ~ Unknown

I've had so many people ask me, "What finally made you decide to lose all your weight?"  I guess it was a knowing . . . a knowing that NOW was the time, and nothing less would do.  I realized that I had wasted too many years, and if I wanted to redeem the years I had left, I needed to do something about it!  Sure, in the past, I made excuses . . . like . . .  "I'm too busy." OR "I just don't have any time." OR "It's too expensive." OR "At my size, I would be embarrassed to join a gym.  Anyway, I wouldn't have a clue what to do!"  OR  "My feet hurt and my back hurt." OR  "I don't know, I guess this is just the way it has to be." OR "My weight, it's not TOO bad yet.  I'll deal with it someday."   Do any of these sound familiar??  Can you relate?  Come on, be honest with yourself!!!  These are things I said to myself for years.  In January of 2007, something happened.  My "moment of truth" hit suddenly, like a bullet between my eyes.  No, it wasn't a health scare,  but a knowing that the time was NOW to deal with my weight problem.  Inside myself, I felt like the voice of God was speaking to me gently, yet with a stern matter-of-factness.  "Jamie, now is the time to deal with this issue, and if you don't heed my voice now, you may never get another opportunity!"  Wow, to this day, I don't understand that full message, but I can say that it caused me to spring into action immediately.  Beginning anything new is never easy, and it is usually filled with much fear and uncertainty.  But, since that day, I've never looked back.  That's not to say that my mind and my body hasn't screamed out begging to quit the journey.  But, because I made that inner commitment with myself and other supportive people, I was successful.  After losing a total of 115 pounds, my greatest joy now is helping and encouraging others as they journey along the same road to weight loss and a healthy life.  So, my question to you . . . what will be your "moment of truth"?

THE MOMENT of TRUTH ~ Survivor

When you're alone, you ask yourself
what are you searching for?
Deep in the night, a dream is born
one that you can't ignore.

If you think you can find the passion
and you're ready to take a chance,
If you really believe you can make it
then the power is in your own hands

It's the moment of truth you're giving it all,
standing alone willing to fall.
If you can do it, get up and prove it,
get up and show them who you are.
It's the moment of truth, it's all on a line,
this is the place, this is the time,
waiting forever, it's now or it's never, nothing can stop you now.

Once in your life, you make a choice, ready to risk it all.
Deep in your soul, you hear a voice, answering to the call.
Though you know that it won't be easy,
it's a promise you made for love,
for the people that keep believing,
and the one that you're thinking of.